I am in a state of flux at the moment, and at an interesting crossroads in my life—and this is the bit where I am hoping that what I am going through is rather universal.   I wish to make a change of career, and am not certain what color my parachute is.   I go over the things I like, and books are number one on the list.  Along with horses, travelling, music and photography, none of which seem like terribly good marketing skills.  I look on the internet and it seems like everyone else is more creative than I am, more able to have that certain thing that makes them a hit with thousands of viewers, and I can’t possibly see what I could do that would make thousands of people read me, or be a fan.

And I know that uncertainty about myself is the exact thing that is holding me back.

So I did what anybody in my situation would do. I bought cinnamon vanilla candles, set them in strategic places at home, made coffee, and bought The Pioneer Woman Cooks, and spent even more time contemplating other peoples’ creativity.   Then I time traveled in my mind and understood William Blake’s dilemma in Jerusalem.

I must create a system or be enslaved by another mans; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.

Then a gift came from the gods.  A trip way, far away into northwestern Montana, a state I have never been in, to spent six weeks teaching and working at a tribal university near Missoula.  Forest, mountains, bears.  Yes, bears.  Bear alerts are frequent it seems, and everybody stays in when a bear is sighted.   For this I have sealed up my house, quit my summer job, and filled up my gas tank armed with only the bare necessities–clothes, cat, red nail polish, and an unused, brand spanking new journal with requisite fountain pen –and of course my computer and blog.

Perfect!!   I am in the midst of packing up my entire household for the summer, and in a Thoreau-like sort of way, I am going to the woods in the hopes that something that I could do with my life, something that is meaningful and fun will jump out at me while I am there.  And maybe to see a bear or two.  At the very least my six weeks will give me fodder for this blog as I relate my adventures and I am bringing my battered copy of  Norman Maclean’s A River Runs Through It to inspire my Montana trip.

Any helpful comments regarding possible jobs are welcomed, of course.


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